Online Dating Resources Presents
Terri Levine
Relationship Coach

 

Want more joy in your relationships? More freedom? More satisfaction? Would you like to reduce the pain and agony during conflict situations? We all do! Here is a book to help you create more open, loving, and responsible relationships in your life.

I will be providing relationship advise numerous times a week.

ARTICLES

Loving Laura
Couples Coaching
Romantic Ron
The Art of Listening
Make Your Date Feel Special
Approach Is Everything
Date To Evaluate
Loving Your Mate More
Want to find your ideal partner?
Wondering How to Find Your Soul Mate?
Too Much to Do… No Time for Love Making?
Stopping Jealousy
Quieting the Outer Critic
Let Anger Go and Love More
Creating Harmonious Relationships
Improving Relationships
How to Love Yourself and Others More

 

Loving Laura

All my clients seek to have healthy relationships with all of the people in their lives, from parents, to partners, to children, to co-workers and friends. There are some general guidelines for healthy relationships and today "Laura" and I were coaching on this topic.

The guiding principles we identified for all relationships all had tuning in deeply as their undercurrent. This means to deeply hear what the person and saying and more so what they are not saying and what they are feeling. It is about listening for the essence of their message and giving them your full and loving attention, as if nothing else mattered at all, just them. If you are too distracted by your own thoughts or what you want to say or by the TV, you are not tuned in and people don't feel connected to you.

Laura committed to use her ears and her body to listen to her children and parents in a much deeper and loving way.

Additionally, not judging what you hear. Instead giving the speaker the space to express their own personal thought, ideas and opinions and even if they are very different from yours, accepting them and being open to hear them.

Laura said that she often jumps in and tells people her point of view and even argues it sometimes. Instead she is going to work on making her manager and her own employee’s right!

Laura also said she often is guilty of getting into heated phone arguments with her ex-husband. She says they fight all the time and never agree on anything. The energy of this drags her down and drains her, plus she doesn't want her children to hear her anger. She decided to be less judgmental with him and to criticize him less as this didn’t help the situation. Instead of threatening him and giving him ultimatums she was going to stop the game and just speak in the charge neutral way she had learned in coaching.

She felt these new skills would challenge her and make all her relationships stronger.

Couples Coaching

Let’s call my real clients “Ken” and “Barbie” to protect their names and have fun :) They hired me as they are considering getting married within the next year and don’t want to be one of the many marriages that ends in divorce. They want to have the skills to communicate and fully relate and to maintain those skills as they mature together.

Both of them come from a loving, caring and sharing place. They also come from homes where both their parent’s have been divorced (Ken’s twice). They are enthusiastic and optimistic coaching can help them.

Today we talked about how they handle their feelings. Personal responsibility comes before we can be a “couple”. “Barbie” prefers to speak about things when she is upset and “Ken” prefers to shut down. Understanding that each relates differently was a great starting point for our coaching.

“Ken” committed that instead of withdrawing, he will work on speaking more when he is feeling frustrated, stress, worried or upset. “Barbie” said she’d listen more and talk less. They co-created this arrangement and both felt good about it and committed to this plan.

When asked about how they approach things that are different which might “bug” them, “Barbie” talked about when “Ken” didn’t clean up his breakfast dishes because he was running off to work, and she often ends up doing this and doesn’t like it. “Ken” said that when “Barbie” criticized him for making a mess, he felt like a small child and was angry and hurt. As they talked more about this, both agreed the way they criticize vs. make requests was not right. I taught them the coaching skills of being charge neutral and marking requests. They enjoyed this and committed to learning these skills.

If you want to learn coaching skills to create a better life, relationships or do your job better, go to: http://www.comprehensivecoachingu.com/future-coach.htm and grab your coaching kit right now.

 

Romantic Ron

One of my clients, who I coach on his business, came to the session this week with a personal concern. He said he really wanted to add more romance to his life and felt he wanted to create something even more extraordinary with his spouse of 8 years.

We used this call for brainstorming and he came up with some cool things. Thought I’d share them in case anyone else would like some romance :)

He is going to plan a romantic weekend for them and surprise her.

One night each week, he is going to get someone to watch their kids, so they can go to dinner and a movie.

He is going to give her a massage at least once a week.

After dinner, when the weather is nice, he is going to suggest going for a walk together and maybe taking the dog, too!

He also decided not to badmouth her family.

And he said he would give many hugs and kisses daily.

How about YOU?

Need some relationship tips? As her a question here: http://www.terrilevine.com/TTT.html

You can also contact Terri at: 877-401-6165.

The Art of Listening

I had an interesting experience recently. As you may or may not know I have just come back from a 2 week speaking engagement on a cruise ship! I met some amazing people. I also met 2 people who attended all my talks and each are charming individuals. sadly, put them at the same table together and world war 3 is likely to erupt! How have these 2 remained married for 15 years, I wondered?

Actually, I did comment on their success at having been married for 15 years and was expecting some form of recognition and agreement of that - imagine my disappointment when the wife said they probably wouldn't reach 16 years! And the husband didn't deny it.

I'll call them Betty and Bob.

I really liked these two people and from an objective perspective, they had a lot going for them and stood to lose a lot if they separated. I managed to get them alone late one evening - we sat in the lounge and enjoyed a few social drinks.

I noticed that every time Bob said something, Betty would put him down or make fun of him or his comment. Bob didn't reply most of the times - he just wore a sad expression, and occasionally would snap back at her. Once he snapped, of course, this made things worse and Betty seemed to think this justified really hoeing into him! I began to feel sorry for Bob, but as I got to know them more, I discovered that he, too, wasn't averse to slinging a little mud his wife's way either. It was a game, an unpleasant game, they both indulged in - why did they play it? It was obvious none of them liked it.

Betty said this was the reason they probably wouldn't see 16 years together. She couldn't take it anymore. Well, finally she had said something Bob agreed with. I let them talk it out, get it off their chest and I just sat their listening. Then Betty said to me, "You are so easy to talk to! I guess that's why you're a Coach!" So I said, "Would you like me to let you in on a little secret? A free coaching tip?" (A free coaching tip from a Master Coach? Are you kidding? Of course, they were both all ears!)

I gave them the nutshell version on the art of "listening". I reminded them of how they would have listened to each other when they first met - the respect they would have shown each other. I told them that they have no problem listening respectfully to other people - just with each other. I asked if they were up for a little experiment and they decided to humor me. I told them that for the rest of the voyage, I wanted them to stop slanging each other and to treat what the other had to say with the same respect they'd show somebody else, like me. I told them this new "game" would start right "now". So I kept them there for another hour or so and kept the topics light. We discussed the trip, the great photos we'd all taken and the wonderful new sights and experiences. I only had to remind Betty once that she had slipped up when she made a smart reply to her husband's comment about the food and the onboard gym.

I endeavored to meet up with these 2 almost every day, and they both surprised me by informing me that they were still trying the experiment. I knew they were good people, so really, I shouldn't have been surprised.
A few days later, we were sitting around after dinner and I noticed something rather wonderful had happened. Bob made one of his usual comments that in the past would have brought a smart reply and put down from Betty, but this time she just looked at him and laughed. He rewarded her with the warmest of smiles and I swear, there was a twinkle in both their eyes! But it didn't stop there. Betty commented on some weight gain she felt she'd experienced during the voyage, but rather than make a comment about her spreading rear-end, Bob surprised his wife by telling her she was every bit as gorgeous as the first day he'd met her.

Look, not every couple can work things out as easily as this with just one little tip. But I did tell you I'd seen something special about this couple! However, this same, very basic and simple coaching tip is one that has salvaged many relationships. When you are with somebody for so many years, some of their habits or expressions can be annoying. You just have to remember that it is part and parcel of the person you fell in love with all those years ago, and try to imagine life without that person. Very often, some couples find that they would rather live with an annoying habit than be without the person whose habit it is. Very often the person with the bad habit is prepared to compromise and do something about their habit. Great listening and compromise. the 2 things that make for a great relationship!

Ah, don't you just love a happy ending! Okay, that's a bit of a lie. I did hear them arguing about their luggage when we disembarked - they stopped when they saw me. Maybe I should send them my photo!

Make Your Date Feel Special

People want to feel special. Don’t you?

How do you make people feel special?

1. Focus your attention on THEM. Deeply tune in and listen to them fully.

2. Use their name often. The most important word in the world to anyone is his or her own name. Say it and say it often.

3. Be interested vs. interesting. Don’t talk about YOU. Instead ask about your date and take a sincere interest in their job, family, hobbies, beliefs and interests.

Terri Levine, author of Coaching for An Extraordinary Life as well as Work Yourself Happy and many other titles

Need some relationship tips? As her a question here: http://www.terrilevine.com/TTT.html

You can also contact Terri at: 877-401-6165.

 

Approach Is Everything

Many people don’t enjoy going up to a person they find attractive and starting conversation with them. They get nervous or fear rejection.

I think it is natural to feel nervous and to also understand the person you are approaching might feel nervous too. If you never try to meet new people and keep stuck, you’ll never be able to engage in the relationships you desire.

To make this process easier, here are some tips:

1. First flirt by using your eyes. Make eye contact and smile as the person you are attracted to on/off over the course of about 15 minutes. You are basically saying, “Hey, I think you’re attractive and I might come over to speak to you”… you have built the foundation for moving over to conversation.

2. Next, move over and say hello and then ask questions to show you are interested. I mean questions like “What brings you here”… “Where do you work”?… Do you live close”?… “Do you like this music”? …“Have you come to this club before”… etc…Don’t say things like, “Do you have the time?” or you’ll sound ridiculous.

2. Make meeting new people fun. Decide to take some risks and understand a few people might be rude, yet most will be flattered.

3. If you are in a location with music, after the eye contact and smiles, ask the person to dance.

If you hide in the corner, you’ll stay stuck there. Come on out and play :)

Need some relationship tips? Ask her a question here: http://www.terrilevine.com/TTT.html Tell her I sent you :-)

Date To Evaluate!

Many singles complain that their dates go nowhere in terms of a committed relationship but often linger into long-term dating.

These relationships can give you tied up for months or years with the end result being you are still alone.

It seems that most people feel that to find the right mate to settle down with, they need to date long-term. They feel that by prolonged dating they will be able to see if the person is for CERTAIN a good fit.

Can you shorten the dating cycle? I believe you can if you use dating as an evaluation time to determine if you want to have a lifetime partnership with the person or not.

So, shift your thinking from having a boyfriend or girlfriend or dating someone to be an evaluation only and certainly not the relationship. Instead of spending the next decade with more boyfriends or girlfriends tying you up, use dating to do a quick evaluation.

Terri Levine, author of Coaching for An Extraordinary Life as well as Work Yourself Happy and many other titles.http://www.terrilevine.com

Loving Your Mate More

We all notice things which irritate us about those we are in relationship with. When we focus too much on those things, we can fall out of love or be in the what is wrong and complainer mode way too often.

To know what irks you, write down an irritations inventory about your mate. What bugs you about their look? Their voice? Their clothes? Their habits? Get it all down.

Now, create a book of their positive aspects (concept from Abraham-Hicks) and each day focus on those aspects of why you love them and how you appreciate them. Let the irritations go and allow yourself to feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel love more.

Need some relationship tips? As her a question here: http://www.terrilevine.com/TTT.html

You can also contact Terri at: 877-401-6165.

 

Want to find your ideal partner?

You must start with letting to. Any baggage you carry around from your past background, past hurts or past feelings can get in the way of attracting your perfect partner.

Take time to also notice what has and has not worked for you before in your relationships with family, friends, colleagues, co-workers and lovers? Look without judgment at yourself and the other folks. Notice what you can do more of and do less of.

You must also know your boundaries. No relationship can flourish without you knowing your limits and rules and being clear about them. When you create these for your life you will enhance your self-esteem and self-respect and they’ll be less disagreements.

Another thing for you to do is to focus on your Technicolor vision of your Ideal Mate. See and feel and hear and smell and taste fully what life will be like. Where will you be? What will you be doing? What will you be wearing? Tasting? Touching? Feeling?

You must see and feel this first and fully vision this to attract more of what you want.

Terri Levine, author of Coaching for Extraordinary Life

Need some relationship tips? As her a question here: http://www.terrilevine.com/TTT.html

Wondering How to Find Your Soul Mate?

 

Too Much to Do… No Time for Love Making?

Many people today report they aren’t feeling in the mood for love. They report feeling job stress, having difficulty balancing family and work, feeling they have no time, and simply are just too tired.

In relationships where both members work outside the home and also have children, they report the lowest sexual desire.

Put the spark back into your life.

Commit to spend 30 minutes everyday being with your partner talking, hugging, or just cuddled up watching a movie. Every day, hug your partner, and tell them you love them. Once a week schedule a date night where you go out and do activities you enjoy together. Find time to give each other a massage or hop in the shower together.

Stop watching TV in your bedroom! Hug, cuddle, kiss and love more.

Terri Levine, best selling author of Coaching for An Extraordinary Life http://www.terrilevine.com

Need some relationship tips? As her a question here: http://www.terrilevine.com/TTT.html

Stopping Jealousy

One of our normal human emotions is that of jealousy. If you find yourself having jealous thoughts it is a sign that you distrust your partner. To have a solid relationship we need to overcome jealous thoughts and to establish loving, trustful relationships.

In order to turn jealousy around, first notice when you are having jealous thoughts. Decide if they are founded or unfounded. If they are unfounded, decide to replace them with healthier, loving thoughts. If you believe they are founded, you must engage in honest and full communicative dialogue about your feelings with your partner. Don’t point the finger of blame though. Instead say, “I am feeling xyz”.

Unfounded jealousy can destroy relationships. And feeling jealous with cause means there is something not quite right and you must communicate.

Terri Levine, best selling author of Coaching for An Extraordinary Life http://www.terrilevine.com

 

Quieting the Outer Critic

Are you in a relationship where your partner makes remarks that cause you to feel bad? Do you think you are too sensitive and just accept them? Well, if criticism hurts, then you must ask the outer critics to be quiet.

In order for you to love yourself more and be in relationship with others fully, you need to have high self-esteem and feel great about yourself. When others make critical remarks then you will tend to feel badly.

If you want the outer critic to be still, you must ask them to do this. Don’t wait until they make a remark, ask now. Tell them in this language, “I request you don’t criticize me about my (weight, habit of xyz, etc.).” Then if you hear them criticize you after making this request, remind them that you had requested they don’t do this and how this comment makes you feel badly. Speak up and be truthful with your significant other and you will be true to your own integrity.

Terri Levine, best selling author of Coaching for An Extraordinary Life.
 

Let Anger Go and Love More

To be a better partner you must learn to let anger go. By holding on to anger or blowing up, yelling or throwing things, you aren’t making it easy for yourself or others. If you tend to cry or nag, those are also forms of anger that you can manage as well.

Not only is anger unhealthy for your relationship, it is unhealthy for you. Anger can cause headaches, stomachaches, high blood pressure and more.

To release anger so you don’t blow up at your loving partner and don’t make yourself ill, try some of these techniques.

1. Count to 20 when you feel angry and with each breath breathe very fully and deeply.
2. Stop and take a walk for 5 or ten minutes.
3. Ask yourself, “What IS working?” or “what am I thankful for” and change the focus.

Terri Levine, best selling author, Coaching For An Extraordinary Life http://www.terrilevine.com  

You can also contact Terri at: 877-401-6165.
 

Creating Harmonious Relationships

If you want to experience more joy, more ease, more connection and more love from your relationships, then you need to do 2 things and do them consistently.

First, you must communicate honestly and comprehensively always. Don’t hold back on anything and speak your truth and what is on your mind. You cannot carry around baggage of not communicating and engage in full, meaningful, connected relationships.

Next, you must love and respect yourself just as you are. We aren’t perfect and yet we are. What I mean is we see things we feel are faults, yet the Creator made us in his/her eye and sees as perfect, and so we are. When we love ourselves more and accept ourselves more, then we can be more truthful and also give others more love.

Remember, it is about self-love and honesty. http://www.terrilevine.com

 

Improving Relationships

Each relationship we have is somewhat of a mirror showing us who we are and how we appear. We then have the chance to decide if we like what we see in the mirror, of if we want to change.

Some of the key coaching rules about relationships are:

1. You can’t change other people so stop trying. Instead, if you don’t feel good about the person or the relationship, change the situation since you cannot change another.

2. If you don’t like what you see in the mirror, know what you want to change. Like attracts like. So when you are acting a certain way, being a certain way or thinking or feeling a certain way, you will attract exactly those relationships right to you. If you don’t like the relationships you are in, notice what your own behaviors are. What is your self-talk? What energy and feelings are you putting out? If you want to attract something different you must BE something different. You get what you think and feel about.

3. If you notice you are in an unhealthy relationship you don’t have to continue it. As a responsible adult, if the relationship isn’t healthy and nurturing you have a right to remove yourself from the relationship. First you want to set some boundaries and explain to the other person what you are willing to accept and what is not acceptable. If the person cannot abide by your boundaries, you then are at choice if you want to stay. Never forget YOU are at choice.

4. The only person who can make you happy is YOU. Don’t rely on others to please you or bring you joy. You need to feel happiness from deep inside. From being happy with YOU and who you are and how you behave. Only YOU can make YOU happy, so find ways to please yourself.

Need immediate help?  Contact me at 877-401-6165 or visit my special offer at http://www.terrilevine.com

 

How to Love Yourself and Others More

A relationship is between two people. You can either be adding joy and value to the life experience of another or you can be taking away joy from another. What type of loving energy do you want to give off in your relationships?

Each relationship we have is somewhat of a mirror showing us who we are and how we appear. We then have the chance to decide if we like what we see in the mirror, of if we want to change.

Some of the key coaching rules about relationships are:

1. You can’t change other people so stop trying. Instead, if you don’t feel good about the person or the relationship, change the situation since you cannot change another.
 
2. If you don’t like what you see in the mirror, know what you want to change. Like attracts like. So when you are acting a certain way, being a certain way or thinking or feeling a certain way, you will attract exactly those relationships right to you. If you don’t like the relationships you are in, notice what your own behaviors are. What is your self-talk? What energy and feelings are you putting out? If you want to attract something different you must BE something different. You get what you think and feel about.

3. If you notice you are in an unhealthy relationship you don’t have to continue it. As a responsible adult, if the relationship isn’t healthy and nurturing you have a right to remove yourself from the relationship. First you want to set some boundaries and explain to the other person what you are willing to accept and what is not acceptable. If the person cannot abide by your boundaries, you then are at choice if you want to stay. Never forget YOU are at choice.
 
4. The only person who can make you happy is YOU. Don’t rely on others to please you or bring you joy. You need to feel happiness from deep inside. From being happy with YOU and who you are and how you behave. Only YOU can make YOU happy, so find ways to please yourself.

5. Stop taking responsibility for how others feel. Each person chooses to feel a certain way and you are not responsible for making people feel good or bad. They get to select their own reaction and to decide how they want to feel. So communicate openly, from the heart and always speak your personal truth.

Terri Levine, best selling author, Coaching For An Extraordinary Life.

You can also contact Terri at: 877-401-6165.